Writing a letter to your alcoholic spouse is a good idea if you want to let them know your thoughts. Penning a letter gives you the opportunity to put your thoughts in order and to express your feelings regarding your spouse’s drinking. In this article, I will give you some tips and pointers on how to write a letter to your spouse if you believe he or she drinks too much.
Why Writing A Letter To Your Alcoholic Spouse Is A Good Idea
Writing a letter to your spouse is a good idea because it allows you to organize your thoughts. It’s normal to become emotional when you think about your spouse. And trying to confront your spouse about his or her drinking can be difficult. Alcoholics have a habit of playing down their addiction. Most of the times, they outright refuse to talk about their drinking problem. When they don’t refuse, they divert the discussion away from the problem.
So verbally confronting an alcoholic can be more difficult than you would think. This is where a letter comes in handy. You can write the letter whenever you want, and you can present it to your alcoholic husband or wife at a time of your choosing. Writing a letter to your alcoholic spouse is still a confrontation, but you shouldn’t believe that writing the letter will absolve you of your duty to verbally confront your wife or husband.
Now, once you give them that letter, your husband or wife will respond verbally, so you should be ready to discuss the matter frankly with him or her.
How To Write A Letter To Your Alcoholic Spouse
As I said, writing a letter to your alcoholic spouse is a good idea, but you should read the following guidelines before doing it. Now, you don’t have to respect all of the guidelines to a point, but you can use them for inspiration.
1. Be Honest
You should always be honest to your spouse, especially when it comes to his or her drinking. Tell him or her how much the drinking upsets you, and why. Using receipts, photos, or videos to back up your story might be helpful. You don’t have to mention the receipts or the videos in the letter, but you can use them to argue your points in the verbal confrontation that’s bound to follow after your spouse reads the letter.
2. Don’t Be Overly Aggressive
Don’t be overly aggressive. Your goal here is to let your spouse know the error of his or her ways, not to rip them out a new one. However, you don’t have to be gentle with them, either. Using a firm tone without being too aggressive would be ideal.
3. Include Everything
As I said, the best part about writing a letter is organizing your thoughts. Unlike a verbal conversation, the letter doesn’t have to be delivered instantaneously. You can spend as much time as you need writing it. Add everything relevant that comes to mind. If you remember something a day after you started writing the letter, add it as well. Include everything you can think of regarding your spouse’s drinking and the problems it generates.
4. Take Your Time
Take your time writing the letter. Not everything will come to mind at once, so give your thoughts time to surface. Take a break whenever you feel too emotional or when you feel you’ve hit a rough patch. Return to the letter whenever a new thought comes to mind.
5. Do Not Make Unrealistic Promises
Since you’re not confronting your spouse directly and you’re doing through a letter, you might be tempted to make some promises or even to write down some ultimatums. Make sure that whatever you include in the letter is realistic. Do not make any promises you do not intend to keep or ultimatums you do not intend to respect. Promising something and not following through will make your spouse believe that all the information you included in the letter is as superficial as your broken promise.
6. Offer A Solution
The letter you write for your alcoholic spouse shouldn’t be filled only with anger, sadness, and dismay, but with hope as well. Use the letter to explain what’s bothering you, but make sure you offer a solution to your spouse’s problem. Make sure that after reading everything he or she did wrong, your spouse knows you intend to help him or her overcome the addiction. A great way to do that is offering a solution.
Check out your local support groups and rehabilitation centers. Find out what programs are available for your spouse, and let him or her know the options in the letter.
Once your spouse reads the letter, he or she will confront you verbally, so be prepared. Make a list of things you want to address verbally if that’s helpful. But being prepared to deliver on your promises is of utmost importance.
Let your spouse know that talking his or her way around the problem is not an option any longer. Discuss his or her treatment options, and choose the one that’s best for you two, especially for your spouse. Be prepared to deliver on your promises as soon as your conversation is over.
Writing A Letter To Your Alcoholic Spouse
Writing a letter to your alcoholic spouse might seem easy at a first glance, but it can be emotionally draining. However, writing the letter is only the first step in your long way to sobriety, so prepare yourself for what’s to come.
Read the rest of the articles in this series if you want to discover what happens in the mind of an alcoholic. In the next article, we’re going to talk about mantras for spouses who drink.
Check out this great website for Letter To Spouse Who Drinks Too Much.